Volume 1 – Why am I like this?
Hate is a strong word. We’ve all heard that before. A “hater” is at least a little less serious. Of course, words don’t mean jack shit anymore, so who’s to say what’s what?
A few years ago a great friend of mine told me that I’m “such a hater.” He meant it jokingly, I think, but I also see that he’s pretty spot on. Since then I’ve done a much better job at spotting my own angst towards the world around me. Overall I find it quite funny.
It wasn’t, at first, but that’s because I didn’t understand it. I thought there was truly something wrong with me for finding all these things and people to dislike. Later I discovered that I was just choosing to fixate on those things because the good things in my life were so good that I took them for granted. I thought, “I have those good things, so that’s the end of it. They aren’t going anywhere.”
I was incredibly wrong about that, but more on that later. (Maybe.)
I think that some of this “hating” was a way for me to validate my own frustrations. Sure, why not, I never said anything out loud so it seems the only person it affected was the guy within.
Most of the time I realized my anger and frustrations were just because I was hungry. I’m fine with that.
So why admit to all this? Why bring it up?
If you’ve read anything else here on this site you’ll know that I’m probably not going to answer those two questions because A) I don’t know and B) I don’t care to explain it.
This is going to be ridiculous to say, but I think that we all deserve to be “haters” at least a few times in our lives. I can’t stand people who say they never think ill of others or say ill of others. That’s simply not human, and without frustrations how will anyone know true happiness?
I would say loving all just means you don’t truly know how to love. But who the fuck am I to say? Is it enough to identify things you despise and then simply never think of it again? I haven’t come that far in life yet.
In the heading I wrote “Volume 1” because I have a feeling I’m going to add more to this in the future. More things to despise, more things to frustrate me, and more reasons to let those things go. I am, after all, a work in progress and this, my friends, is my process.
Welcome, have a seat, and follow along if you’d like. Doing this is probably not the worst thing you could be doing with your time.
To this day I still hold the belief that including curse words (think, “fuck”) will in some magical way separate these ramblings from the bullshit that is AI. I truly fucking hope that’s true, and for that reason I’m going to keep doing it. If that makes you uncomfortable then OK just move forward. I promise I have nothing against that. Not a fucking thing.
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